Monday, February 22, 2016

Letter to my girl #17: Your Worst Nightmare

Dear Lil Pumpkin,

Last Thursday on the morning ride to school, you had a quick nap in the car, as you always do. Sorry to sound like a stalker, but Mummy loves watching you sleep. You look so peaceful and cute with your cherub face, long eyelashes and little pout.

It's hard to imagine that you can go from looking like a sweet angel sleeping to a noisy little monster sometimes. But it happens, and I wouldn't change it any other way

Suddenly, you started whimpering though. Perhaps you were having a bad dream and I patted you gently to get you to sleep better. It didn't help and you started to sob inconsolably. This has never happened before!

I woke you up seeing that it must be a horrible nightmare and hugged you tightly, trying to see if you could tell me what upset you so much. Still crying, you told me and Daddy that you dreamt that we were looking after another girl, and you felt that we abandoned you and didn't want you anymore.

Oh silly child!! That will never happen!! Mummy and Daddy will never stop loving you and deep inside your heart of hearts, you must know this. For the rest of the journey to school, we reassured you that Mummy and Daddy will never abandon you, and that we love and cherish you so much.

You seemed all right and "back to normal" once you stepped out to go for class. Some people say that dreams portray our innermost fears and desires, or are like letters from our unconscious minds.

Your nightmare got Mummy reflecting. Daddy said I shouldn't bother about it too much but still I couldn't help thinking...

Have I not been showing you enough that I love you? Have I not been telling you enough that I love you? Have I been saying too many angry things that make you think that I don't care about you? Am I a neglectful mother?? Have you been secretly feeling that way for a long time but never told us?

I'm sorry if Mummy ever made you feel that unimportant, scared and unloved. I will always be by your side, whether in person or spirit, protecting and loving you. And I promise to make a more conscious effort to explicitly express that to you, be fully present, and not say or do things that I will regret and make you feel hurt and abandoned.

I'm sure your Daddy feels the same way too.

Do not doubt our love for you, my dear. I hope you will never have this nightmare again.

Love you always,



Stacy said...

Oh, Ai. *hugs*

Hubs is probably right, don't overthink it. We totally can't control our dreams right? (If we could, I'd be watching my fav movies every night hehe)

Adeline said...

Awww... hugs to both you and Lil' Pumpkin! I'm sure you tell her that you love her very often, and I'm sure she can tell through your actions too, how much she means to you.

Susan said...

It could just be a one time scare, so don't read too much into it. But nevertheless, I'm sure Lil Pumpkin will be assured of mummy and daddy's love. Sophie can sometimes relate her dreams to me very vividly and there was once she went back to the same hotel 3 days in a row.

Theresa Mahoney said...

Poor Lil Pumpkin! I hate it when nasty dreams pop up like that. I am sure she knows how much her parents love her. One day she'll fully realize how lucky she is to have such wonderful parents who love and cherish her, but for now, a few extra hugs and kisses would probably be most welcomed :)

Small Kucing said...

Hugs...i would have doubts too if my son suddenly says that . But am sure it's just a bad dream.

Ai Sakura said...

Stacy: Yeah I guess..

Adeline: thanks, I hope so too!

Susan: It's amazing how often she's able to remember and relate dreams in detail. I don't usually remember mine nowadays!

Theresa: that's so true..

Small Kucing: definitely makes you think and reflect though!

SlimExpectations said...

such dreams really can scare the hell outta kids.
It's a lovely letter. Love to you lil pumpkin.

SlimExpectations said...

Such dreams are always bad and sad :(
Lovely letter, Ai-

为食主义 said...

Psychologist here wants to let you know that fear of abandonment is one of the most common fears almost every human being has, no matter how secure our relationships are. :)

Don't doubt yourself, Ai!

Cascia Talbert said...

That is such a sweet letter to your little girl. I hope she feels better now that she knows thagt Mom and Dad love her. She is beautiful.