The Three Bricklayers - Inspirational Parable about Communication & Attitude

I was at a work talk, which was pretty mundane, but at the end the speaker was telling the story of The Three Bricklayers to drive home the idea of having the right attitude and understanding the big picture. Basically the story goes like this,

"Someone saw three men working. He asked the first man what he was doing and the man said he was laying bricks. He asked the second man the same question and he said he was putting up a wall. When he got to the third man and asked him what he was doing he said he was building a cathedral."

They were all doing the same thing. The first man had a job. The second man had a career. The third man had a calling.

At an organisational level, it's important for an employee to know that no matter how small our job is or how insignificant it may seem, we are all laying bricks to build the company up. There is a big picture in our daily actions, and what little we do still makes a difference.

On hearing that parable, I related it more to me being a mum and how I communicate to Lil Pumpkin about her studies, though.

As she progresses through her schooling years, her school load is getting more and more intensive. Every other day, I'm telling her to "study hard", or "do your homework" or "remember your revision" etc. Even I reckon that I sound like a broken record and find it sian to say it over, and over again...

I know Lil Pumpkin is a curious child and likes learning new things, but sometimes schoolwork or listening in class can be boring. Rather than just reminding her on completing the immediate task e.g. learn her spelling or finish her homework, I should remind her to see the end result and focus on the bigger picture i.e. gaining more knowledge, creating a life that she wants, being a useful citizen of the world, having the ability to positively impact others in the future etc.

Maybe then, she would be more self-motivated to strive on completing the challenging tasks at hand without me prompting, and not be disappointed if she has mini set-backs in her schooling journey.

Lil Pumpkin may be laying bricks every day, but if she can envision her own personal "cathedral", she will enjoy her school years more, and grow more through the process. Right? #mummymusings

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My One Word for 2018 - RESTORATION

I'm sure you've heard of this alternative process for making new year resolutions whereby instead of making a list of changes or goals for the new year, you choose just one word to focus on and guide you in your actions to make your new year a better one.

There are a few groups like My One Word or One Word 365 that support this process {and even help you to choose the word to be your focus for the next 12 months!} but the main premise is the same - our list of resolutions overwhelm our ability to focus. Instead, we should pick one word that represents who we want to be or how we want to live {or if you're a Christian, who God is calling us to become} to focus on every day, for the whole year.

This process forces clarity and results in focus, and makes it much simpler to work towards being a better version of yourself in the new year. It will take intentionality and commitment, but if you let it, your one word will shape not only your year, but also you. It will become the compass that directs your decisions and guides your steps.

I mean, a lot of people make new year resolutions but many of them don't carry them through for various reasons. Maybe their goal is too ambiguous and they don't have a plan? Maybe they are impatient or maybe they don't have support?

As many reasons there are to fail, there are many ways to succeed too and if you haven't found one that works for you yet, this focus on "one word" for the new year might be your ticket to reaching your new year goals.

Thanks for all your love & support in the past year. To a better & brighter 2018 for all of us! ☀️ 皆さん、去年御愛いただきありがとうございます。2018年もよろしくお願いしますね〜🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻💕🌸 #sakuraharuka #happynewyear #あけおめ #happynewbeginnings #happyeverything

A post shared by Ai Sakura  (@aisakuraharuka) on Dec 31, 2017 at 4:00pm PST

I've not made New Year resolutions in years, but the year-end season usually gets me in a reflective mood where I look back on the past year and see what I've achieved, and look forward to the new year to see what I'd like to do.

The end of 2017 was no different but over that last weekend, a word suddenly popped up to me - Restoration. I haven't been praying for it, but I believe that God was speaking out to me and telling me to focus on that for 2018.

He has seen how I was letting society's expectations, my expectations of myself and our hurried life take control of my emotions, well-being, relationships with others and with Him. All these burdens just left me feeling rather overwhelmed, snappy and tired... and most days I felt like I was just surviving in all aspects, rather than thriving despite having all the necessities in life to be happy - a comfortable home, happy family, good health, stable income, trustworthy friends etc. Kinda lost, really.. 

Restoration is "the act of restoring; renewal, revival, or reestablishment."

In thinking more about it, I believe that the word is very meaningful and there are certain areas that I want to work on using that as my compass.

*****

RESTORATION at Relationships
Ashamedly, I act poorly when I am tired or stressed, and the first people to bear the brunt of this is usually my family and loved ones. I'm quick to anger and harsh in my words...

This year, I pray that I'd be able to be more like Jesus in my actions {WWJD - What Would Jesus Do?}, be kinder, more loving, considerate and helpful even in my most trying moments. 

RESTORATION at Well-being
Although I focus a lot more on my physical well-being by training regularly, eating better and making an effort to sleep better, I haven't really been taking care of my emotional, mental and spiritual well-being.

This year, I will make sure that I will learn to take things easy, focus on the good, people that matter and things which I have control over, and let go of past mistakes and negative energy. 

RESTORATION at Work
People close to me know that I do not really like my job. If I can be brutally honest, I'm just here for the money and if my boss wasn't that awesome and if I actually knew what I wanted to do as a career, I probably wouldn't still be here...? There really isn't much joy or satisfaction coming to work daily, which kills me in a way because how can you do something you don't really like that takes up almost half of your day??

I guess it's called "adulting" when you put other responsibilities above your own whims and just stick to what you have to do even when it is making you dead inside. Well, my boss is retiring soon and I don't see myself staying here after he leaves so I really have to make future plans for my worklife.

This year, I will take the time to discover my next career move and not be afraid to even go out of my comfort zone. Whatever it may be, I will make sure that the next job I take, it will spark joy in me and make me happy coming to work each day.

RESTORATION at Faith
Since young, God has always been present in my life but He hasn't been central. I've not put him first in many of my life decisions so far and perhaps that's why I find myself failing in many ways.

This year, I pray that I will trust in His will more, to read my Bible more and to attend church more regularly. I will make more effort to make sure my family, especially Lil Pumpkin, grows closer to God too.

*****

I don't have any concrete plans on how to achieve each of these goals {...yet?}, but if this is God's will, and I believe that it is, then I have faith that He will guide me to do all this and make my 2018 even better and brighter than before!

P.S. Sorry if this post sounds strange or out of character as I don't usually blog about my faith or life as a Christian, but I just feel very strongly about this and wanted to share about my plans for the year. If you've made any goals for yourself in 2018, feel free to comment and let me know and maybe I'd be able to support and encourage you for the year too! ❤

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The Last Time - Parenting Inspiration for the Tired Soul

There certainly are days when I feel so tired, beaten and worn. Even now. Especially now?

It's been 8+ years since I became a mother and sometimes just as I feel like I'm getting the hang of this parenting gig, new challenges and struggles appear.

Indeed, parenting is a journey with so much to learn everyday.  The saying "Parenting isn't a practice. It's a daily learning experience" certainly holds true! 

But, I'm glad that I've the boy by my side as my light, my confidant, my partner in this parenting journey. He keeps me steady, gives me faith and reminds me of the important things that matter when I'm just about to lose it.

And boy, have I been close to losing it recently!! Lil Pumpkin's having school exams for the first time this month so I've been spending more time revising work with her. Maybe I'm stressing over her exams more than I should {c'mon, she's only P2!!}, but coupled with juggling work, gym and other family chores... my patience is low, temper high and overall being a very grumpy mummy.

The boy and I had a chat on Tuesday during breakfast before work and helped me to put things in perspective though. These hard times may be tiring to bear, but as they come, they too will go and there will be a last time for everything. We must cherish the fleeting moments, both good and the bad, and make them count. 

I remembered a poem I read sometime back, The Last Time, prayed more, and felt my burden somewhat lighter ❤ I hope that if you're feeling a little tired for whatever reasons in your own parenting journey, you'd be uplifted with the words below too:

*****

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
You will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you had freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.
You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feeding and burping,
Whining and fighting,
Naps, or lack of naps. It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don't forget...
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed your baby
for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip,
then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake for this.

One afternoon you will sing 'the wheels on the bus'
and do all the actions,
Then you'll never sing that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
the next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.

You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your
last dirty face.
They will one day run to you with arms raised,
for the very last time.

The thing is, you won't even know it's the last time
until there are no more times, and even then,
it will take you a while to realise.
So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them and
when they are gone,
you will yearn for just one more day of them
For one last time.

- Author unknown

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Letter to my girl #19: The One Where You're More Ballsy than Mummy

Dear Lil Pumpkin,

Mummy has always been a thrill-seeker and it's actually something I'm pretty proud of.

I love love love going on exciting theme park rides {roller coasters are my favourite!} and am usually game for any challenges.. whether it be swimming in the deep end of waterfalls and climbing up the rocks, or getting out of my comfort zone and trekking through deep forests.

I'm usually the one who will nudge people along to try new things and not give in to {senseless} fear. And that's how I try to parent you too, my dear.

During the June holidays, Daddy and I took leave some days to bring you out as a family and one of our outings was to Science Centre Singapore. You've been there before with your preschool but gosh! It's been aaaaaaaaages since I last visited the Science Centre!!! Was it during my primary school days??

Anyway they have a new-ish attraction called KidsStop now, which is an edutainment centre that aims to engage kids from preschool to lower primary levels by exposing them to science in their formative years.

It's housed within the Omni Theatre building and is pretty fun, especially for the young ones like you. There are trained guides to facilitate play and learning in various thematic zones and each exhibit / zones are designed to promote simple science learning through hands-on activities and programmes. 

Sweat 😅

A post shared by ドクターダル (@the_tattooed_vet) on Jun 18, 2017 at 8:15pm PDT

One of the thrilling experiences in KidsStop is the Giant J slide, where participants get to safely experience the sensation of free fall before they slide to safety from as high as 7m! That's about 2-storey high...

When I saw it I immediately asked you to give it a go... as well as ask if adults could try it too haha. Thankfully, they did allow adults to play too! hehe

Kids can decide how high they would like to be lifted up the slide as they challenge themselves and build confidence while having fun. When the staff asked you how high you wanted to go, I told you, " Just go right up to the top dear!! It'll be fun!" You thought for a second then gamely said, "ok!"

So up 7m you went, eyes wide open and nary a cry. And when the staff shouted to let go, you immediately did so without a thought! Oh my brave little girl!!

After that since there wasn't anyone else in the queue except for me, so you went for a few more tries at the various heights.

A post shared by ドクターダル (@the_tattooed_vet) on Jun 18, 2017 at 8:09pm PDT

And then it was MY turn and I went up with my eyes wide open too and saw actually how crazy high it was when I reached the top... it's really much higher than I thought when standing on the ground so I hesitated and fear started creeping #yikes

In the end, Mummy chickened out and only managed to drop from 5m (ﾉ∀＼)

Wow. I really ate humble pie that day when I realised that you, my dear 8-year old daughter, was even more ballsy than me!!

But then, it was also a #proudmamamoment when I realised that my 8-year old kid IS even more ballsy than me... I was proud that you wasn't afraid of trying things for the first time, and also for your mental strength in overcoming adversity. I know you must have been afraid, but you didn't let your fear of heights stop you.

Always thought I was quite "ballsy" when it came to thrills & challenges but I only managed to free-fall 7m {the highest height - about 2-stories tall} @ the Giant J experience on my 2nd attempt. First time I chickened out and only dropped from 5m 🙈 @lovelilpumpkin on the other hand, did it on her FIRST attempt with her eyes wide open and nary a scream! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 My girl def has more balls than me haha 😬😘💕🌸 #sakuraharuka #momlife #funtimes #thrillseeker @kidsstopsg @sciencecentresg

A post shared by Ai Sakura  (@aisakuraharuka) on Jul 2, 2017 at 8:05pm PDT

Not wanting to give in to my fears too, I decided to give 7m another shot again and this time once the staff said "let go!", I didn't think twice and just let go of the handle to free-fall down.

My heart nearly flew out of my mouth but it was a really, really good experience and Mummy went a few more times too haha.

Oh baby girl, Mummy and Daddy really think you are so brave and I hope that you will use this quality to your advantage. Bravery is not the lack of fear, but the ability to move forward in spite of fear.

Don't be afraid to take risks and challenge yourself to grow and chase after your dreams. Once you become fearless, life becomes limitless. I pray that we will be by your side to guide you and support you in them too ❤

Love you always,
Mummy

P.S. Mummy thought you were really brave as well when you dared to hang upside down just clinging onto silk ropes in your Kids Aerial Yoga workshop too (*´∀`*)

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Dust If You Must, But Wouldn't It Be Better...

Ahhh another weekend came and gone!!! How did we get to mid-April so fast?? (>.<)"

I usually do most of my household chores and cleaning during the weekend since our weekdays are pretty full. I'm not really a domestic goddess so other than folding laundry and vacuuming {both which I find strangely therapeutic}, I loath doing household chores.

Came across this poem though, which really just reminded me that time just flies by and we should make the most of it... at the end of a long and dusty week, not everything always needs to be in it’s place.

So rather than be stuck at home doing mundane stuff, off we went to watch The Huntsman: Winter's War movie {so good! go catch it if you haven't!!}, swim at the club, shop for new gymwear at Decathlon, eat Pow Sing chicken rice and walk at our neighbourhood pasar malam this weekend instead ♥  

Not that living in an unkempt home is great, but don't people say that we shouldn't mind the mess, as the family is making memories?? hahaha

*****

Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better
To paint a picture, or write a letter,
Bake a cake, or plant a seed;
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
Music to hear, and books to read;
Friends to cherish, and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go {and go you must}
You, yourself, will make more dust.

- Rose Miligan

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We're all rushing for no reason anyway.

It's the year-end and this is usually the time when most people would reflect back on the year that has passed, take stock and plan for the new year that's coming. I'm no different (´つω・｀)

Looking back, there's 2 things I feel pretty accomplished about. One is I've started {again} and kept going on my fitness journey to transform myself for life. A transformation not just in body aesthetics, but in my mindset and lifestyle habits. 

Two, I feel that I'm a more intentional parent now who takes the effort to put down my camera {and phone} to have a healthy balance of capturing and being present for the our family memories. I've slowed down my pace and find myself saying "hurry up" to Lil Pumpkin less often. It's not a #humblebrag but really something I'm proud and happy about because I know these changes in my parenting style is making Lil Pumpkin happier too.

There's still some things I need to figure out for next year that was making me quite anxious but I came across this quote by S.C. Lourie,

"Don't be so hard on yourself for not having it together all the time, for not knowing all the answers. You don't always have to be sure of who you are, otherwise there' be nothing left to discover. You don't have to know where you're headed or have a clear vision of the bigger picture. Sometimes taking one tiny step at a time is more than enough.

Sometimes slowing down just to feel the wind blow against you is the beauty of life right there. Wander, be unsure when it is natural to be. Let yourself breathe.

We're all rushing for no reason anyway."

Yes, I should remember that there's beauty in discovery and joy in the journey.

Maybe the journey will not be about knowing what I want or becoming anything. Maybe it will be about knowing what I don't want or unbecoming everything that isn't really me, so that I can live the life and be who I was meant to be in the first place.

Gonna stop thinking about next year's plans/ goals/ resolutions and just enjoy the rest of the holiday season with the family. Hope you will too ♥

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Making Memories vs Capturing the Moments ♥

Sometimes, do you feel like if you didn't get a photo of something, it didn't really happen? I do.

Perhaps it stemmed from the time when I was away from most family and friends I grew up with. I took along a camera wherever I went and wanted to take photos to share and let them into my new world, my new life, It was the next best thing to having them there with me.

Now with Lil Pumpkin, I want to capture life with her in every single way I can. It's a "noble cause" for every parent but then, subconsciously I wonder if we do it so as to "prove" to ourselves {and others?} that yes,  we were there to play with our kids, read with our kids, to craft with our kids, swim with our kids etc? We are a good parents who love and spend time with our kids, despite our hectic work and busy schedules, and we have photos to prove it.

On our holiday to Vietnam, I didn't bring my phone with me, but I did bring my camera. I wasn't distracted with social media or checking messages, but I did interrupt our "real-time" to take photos and videos. "Wait, let mummy take a photo first", "smile here.. smile BIGGER", "walk this way", "don't block that", "stand still"... it was too easy to get caught up in the moment wanting to capture every new sight and every intricate detail without actually taking in my surroundings and paying attention to the people in it.

So much so that Lil Pumpkin actually asks, "why do you take so many photos, Mummy?"

Which makes me really think.. why? Why do I do that? Yeah for capturing the memories.. but why am I seeming to live so much more behind the lens, then actually, truly enjoying the moment? Why am I purposely having that camera as a barrier to reality?

Although I may not be very good at it, I love photography and I love having photos of our day-to-day activities & milestones. Lil Pumpkin is growing up wayyyyyy too fast and sometimes I feel all I have to look back on are these photographs, especially since my memory fails me sometimes. However, sometimes I feel like I am so busy capturing these moments that I am missing being a part of them. Making memories is just as important as capturing these moments, right?

When Lil Pumpkin thinks about her childhood, is she going to look back and think oh my, how wonderful that Mummy took all those photos of me as a kid, or is she going to remember damn, Mummy always stopped me from having fun to take these shots?

And you know what the worst part is, I actually get upset when I can't get a good shot. Not all the time, but I tend to wear my heart on my sleeves and yes, I actually throw a black face when Lil Pumpkin or the boy doesn't do what I think they should do for a good shot. So ridiculous I know. It's not that the photos I take are forced or fake.. but sometimes, tears, tsks and harsh words are exchanged behind-the-scenes for a photo.

I think other than making efforts to put down my phone, I've to make more effort to put down my camera too. Or learn how to take photos that are less intrusive into our daily lives. I tried to apply this during our recent trip to Bali by making sure I snap a few shots, or set a "time limit", then consciously put my camera away.

I want to have a journal of our lives together, but not at the expense of being just a bystander writing our stories and taking our photos. I want to live in it as well. Memories need to be a healthy balance of capturing and being present for them.

I don't think this applies to me just when parenting, but when spending time with other people at gatherings, meal-times, activities etc. Instead of taking food shots while the food gets cold and making others wait to eat, I should put down my camera and just well, eat. Instead of stopping during walks to take a shot of that beautiful sunset, I should just admire without any lens barrier and allow my body to feel the warmth and take in that breath-taking sight.

Life is so much better in front of the lens, than behind ♥

Are your kids complaining that you take too many photos?

Do you feel yourself capturing moments instead of making memories too?

How do you balance both?

P.S. Want more opportunities for magical family moments? Check out my Disney on Classic ~ A Magical Night tickets giveaway! I've 4 x Cat 1 tickets to the performance up for grabs. Giveaway ends tonight!

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Never Get So Busy Making A Living, You Forget to Live

Ahhh how nice it is to enjoy a long weekend straight after coming back from a weekend vacay for my birthday in Vietnam! :P I love not worrying when my alarm would ring, waking up as my body wants next to Lil Pumpkin {my poor hubby still has to go to work!}, seeing her sweet morning smile and doing our "piggy nose rub". And of course, not going through our hectic morning schedule.

I don't watch The Daily Show but earlier the year its host, Jon Stewart, announced that he was leaving the show after 19 years. I read an article on why he decided to leave, which partly stemmed from an increasing sense of dissatisfaction.

Jon Stewart said, "It’s not like I thought the show wasn’t working any more, or that I didn’t know how to do it. It was more, ‘Yup, it’s working. But I’m not getting the same satisfaction,’” he said. “These things are cyclical. You have moments of dissatisfaction, and then you come out of it and it’s okay. But the cycles become longer and more entrenched, and that’s when you realize, ‘Okay, I’m on the back side of it now.’"

I can relate to that. Work for me is pretty mundane as the scope is not something I'm interested in and it is a chore for me to go to work every weekday. But it's something I've accepted to do since my boss is amazing, there is no overtime, I've a good working environment with healthcare benefits and also because Lil Pumpkin is in her current preschool / childcare.

Once I leave my current company, I've to find her another preschool/ childcare as it is only for the children of my company staff. And I don't want to do that as we like her preschool and she's happy there.

Like what Jon said, you have moments of dissatisfaction, and then you come out of it. I usually come out of it when I think of reasons why I've to do it, but it's really getting harder and harder.

The boy thinks that it's just that I don't want to work. Not that true because I just don't want to work in my current job anymore. If I've something else that I want to do, a dream job where perhaps I get to interact with more Japanese, go traveling, is more challenging and closer to my interests.. then yeah I'd like to do that.

Not that I have it, but I think the longer I stay on in my current job, the less likely I'd go look for it.. or work on other things that make me happy - like blogging, or spend time with people that make me happy - like Lil Pumpkin.

Lately, I feel that 5 out of 7 days, I wake up somewhat feeling life sucks because I've to go to a job that I don't really like. Of course I am grateful for the job stability and income, but that's not really the way to live, right?

What if I suddenly passed away in my sleep? I can say now that I will have many regrets if I die tonight.

And so, I've decided to go part-time next year after Lil Pumpkin leaves preschool, or maybe even quit my current job. Firstly, it'll give me more time to spend with Lil Pumpkin after her school {supervise her work, bring her out, rest, do stuff}, secondly it'll also give me more time to work on what I like and maybe even find a better job I'd love more.

I guess that means less money to spend and travel until something comes in to fill the income gap but I can live with that if it means I'll be happier on a higher percentage of the week. It is ridiculous to always wait and look forward to the weekend, the next break, the next travel vacation. I want to make a change to have more happiness in my life every day. 

There are too many uncertainties when it comes to a big life decision like a job change. But if I don't try, I'll never know. I'm 32 next year and personally, that's kinda old already to not be doing what I want to do.

Thought of changing jobs or changing from a FTWM to a SAHM?

How did you handle the change? 

P.S. Photos are from our sunny Gold Coast trip last year :) So awesome!

P.P.S. Don't forget to take part in my The Wind in the Willows Family Performance Tickets giveaway {worth S$248} which ends on Wed 3 Jun 2015!

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12 Things I Learnt After 12 Years Together As A Couple

Next Monday will be the our 12th anniversary together. If you didn't know that, you should also read about 11 other things you didn't know about hubby and me :P

It's really amazing to know how far we've come together since the first day we met in University. It hasn't always been easy, but we stuck through it thick and thin, and I'm pretty sure we will be growing old and ending our days together like Allie & Noah {from The Notebook}, as morbid as it sounds.

Being with the boy in such a long, loving relationship has taught me some things about people, about life.. about myself. Insights about our relationship that I can apply to other relationships and things which make me want to be a better friend, sister, daughter, mother and overall, a better person.

I'm not saying after 12 years we have it all together and I've no secret recipe for a long, happy relationship, but I guess coming to understand the following points has helped us to love each other more, think things through and make us look at the big picture in making our relationship last.

1. You don't always have to win
In the beginning of our relationship, this was a hard one for me. I felt like I had to "prove my point"  but then I realised that it's just quite tiring to fight relentlessly over tiny details that don't matter in a month or two. Sure, there are some things that struck the core of our values but there's no point in having to win every argument and fight if it's going to tear us apart.

We picked our battles, know what's worth fighting for and on things that we really can't resolve, we just agree to disagree. I mean, not turning the cups upside-down to dry after washing or putting down the toilet seat after use isn't really something to lose sleep over. Really.

2. Show appreciation every day
We might know it in our hearts, but in our household, we don't believe in mind-reading and it's really more important to express out that you love and appreciate one another. Even for the smallest things like folding the clothes or bringing Lil Pumpkin to her swim class on Saturday mornings, the boy will always say "thank you" while I thank him for doing the dishes and fetching me after work too. A note, a drawing, a card, a text.. it doesn't matter how we do it, we just do.

Oh, and we say "I love you" pretty often too, just because. 

3. Togetherness is important, so is being apart
If you hang out with us, you'll probably see that the boy and I are usually together. We go to one another's events and gatherings, even if we don't feel up to it, just to show support and also because now that we are both working adults, time together is so precious.

However, everyone needs their own space, and we also take some time out to nurture ourselves and develop our own passions. It's just a little me-time to pamper ourselves and do the things we each want to do so that we can recharge and reflect on our own. I find that it helps to make life more interesting too as we bring different things to the table and keeps our relationship healthy by not being too "over-reliant" on one another.

I've taken overseas trips with friends alone, while the boy also meets his own friends by himself and makes time to go to the gym daily. Being a couple doesn't mean we are obligated to spend all our free time together. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

4. Comparison is the thief of joy
With so many posting every bits of their lives on social media, it's easy to look and feel jealous about their lives, money, house, kids etc. However, doing so will only make us lose sight of what we already have, which is plenty already. Sure, it'll be nice if we could go back to live overseas with a bigger house and less stressful lifestyle like some of our friends, but we're definitely grateful for our stable jobs, comfortable home and family & friends close by. 

Someone is always going have something more than us. And somewhere, other people will be looking on at us and feeling that we have more too. So, rather than getting sucked up in a vicious cycle of comparison, it's more worthwhile to just look at ourselves and see how we can make our lives happier and better.

5. Make your own adventures
It was much easier in the beginning of our relationship when we were young and carefree to just make random plans of travel or dates. Go down South for the weekend? Sure thing. Head out for a late-night movie? No problem.

However, with work and a growing kid now, it's a little hard {and tiring!} to make surprise trips away. But we've come to realise that adventures don't need to be big and extravagant. No, they can be small adventures like a spontaneous trip to a new park, or taking some time off work to have a long lunch together, or just a surprise breakfast & massage from the boy. No matter how small, just something out of the mundane to inject some fire and excitement to get us feeling alive! 

6. Clashes are good
In a perfect world, relationships would be lovey-dovey all the time. In a perfect world, couples understand one another completely and there's no need to fight or quarrel.

However, we don't live in a perfect world. And even if we do, I think clashes are good for relationships as they help us to learn more about ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes. If it didn't happen, how would we know how we feel about it? The boy and I have had our own fair share of door slams and table flips, but I reckon it's better to get things out in the open and learn how to work around them, rather than bottling up issues and tip-toe around hoping that in everything we do, we hope the other person will like it too. 

7. Look forward, not backwards
I used to hold the boy to my own standard. Like, if I can do this why can't you? If I'm doing so much, shouldn't you be doing it too? However, he is not me, and I am not him. I can't expect him to act and think the same way I do. He will certainly do things that I don't like and make mistakes which I can't stand, but so will I.

Yes, mistakes and clashes are inevitable but when the deed is done and we agree to forgive, we really try to forget and not hold onto that hurt, anguish and pain. It does no one any good to bring up all those bad feelings again in the future. We want to build a better future together, and those hurt, anguish and pain has no place there.

8. Surround ourselves with positive people
Sometimes we get into a relationship rut and it's great to have these positive people who have great relationships themselves and understand the struggles that couples go through, to share their own experiences, to encourage and lend us some strength to carry on and be together. Isolation kills relationships.

They are there not just to be an extra head to think through the problems, but also to be our listening ear and shoulder to lean on. Susu and Maryann are mine, and I think the boy relies on his other guys friends too.

9. Extend the love
One thing I truly love about the boy, is how he loves my family like his own. He respect and cares for my parents like they are his by making time to join our family gatherings, buying health supplements for them, taking time to talk to them, inviting them to our holiday trips, and also making sure we give them their monthly allowances on time. I know that if anything were to happen to me, he would surely take care of my parents for me. Thank you dear.

It may not even be major stuff but sometimes we may find things that our partners do silly, like how I think it's ridiculous that the boy buys a new pair of spectacles almost every 6 months, or how he thinks I own too many Ferragamo shoes.. but if it makes your partner happy, just 爱屋及乌 and extend the love, or at least interest, to that.

10.  Have rituals
Yes, it's fun and exciting to discover something new, but having relationship rituals help to bring us both together as we do something we love over, and over again and bind us to those happy memories.

One ritual we have is the boy tucking me in bed, like how he used to do when we stayed in our Uni dorm, and then reciting our nightly "chant" before we sleep - "good night, sweet dreams, hug me always, together forever, muakz muakz muakz". Even if we happen to be apart at night, we'd still say it over the phone or text each other that :) Lil Pumpkin's been hearing us say it ever since she was born so she "chants" it with us too! ;P

11. Being a parent doesn't make you a lesser partner
Having Lil Pumpkin means we have even less time to be just the two of us, especially with work and other commitments. However, it's also through being a parent that we can show just how much we care and love one another too.

It's like the boy spending at least 3-4 hours on the road each weekday driving me and Lil Pumpkin to and from work / school even though his own workplace is just 15 mins away from our home, just so we don't have to squeeze and get tired taking public transport. Or the boy getting Lil Pumpkin dressed for school each morning, just so I have one less "mummy duty" to worry about.

12. It's the journey, not the destination
As a couple, we have dreams and goals that we want to achieve together. Things like having Lil Munchkin, building our dream home etc. These things form our "big picture" and move us forward as a couple.

However it's our journey in getting to our destination that life really happens, and it's these little things on the way, even the disappointments and despair, that we shouldn't neglect to see and experience as they make us grow even more as a couple and appreciate one another.    

What other things have you learnt from being in a relationship?

P.S. These photos are from our recent family photo shoot at Chinese Gardens. Go check out the rest! :)

Other anniversary posts:

Happy 9th Anniversary!

 Happy 10th Anniversary - Short Story of How We Met

11 Things You Didn't Know about Hubby & Me

12 Things I Learnt after 12 Years As A Couple

Happy 13th Anniversary to Us!

Happy 14th Anniversary - Surprise Flowers & Card

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I Love You Today - Original Song by Lil Pumpkin

Ask any mum and I'm sure they will say that yes, motherhood is hard, but it is so rewarding.

We have to clean up their sh*t, keep their toys, worry that they are eating enough, keep awake at night when they are scared, send them to school / enrichment classes / play dates etc.. but then, when they wake up with a smile, give us hugs, make silly faces to make us laugh, give us wet kisses, handcraft cards & stuff just for us.. all the tiring days seem to fade away and everything seems worthwhile.

It's really the little things that matter. Just over the weekend, Lil Pumpkin serenaded me with a song she made up herself. Maybe she was inspired by Valentine's Day, but she thought of the lyrics and tune herself and just started to play it for me. Was so happy and honestly, extremely proud that she did it.

Although some of her other songs are kinda random, I found this one was rather good for someone with no musical background.. especially when she used her ukelele like a tambourine and added in the claps and "hurrays" haha

Took a video of her singing the song to play it whenever I feel tired or down. It's really uplifting and I loveeee hearing her cute voice!!! :) Watch it on my YouTube channel here if the video above isn't working.

It seems like she wanted to add on another verse but didn't think through what lyrics to sing. We'll work on that together and maybe she'll have an updated version soon :P

What do you love most about parenting? 

Any good music schools to recommend?

I Blog on Tues with Esssentially Jess.

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Letter to my girl #16: Be Present Today, To Be In Your Memories Tomorrow

Dear Lil Pumpkin,

We attended a friend's, Uncle Wills, wedding last Saturday. I knew Uncle Wills way back before you were born and because of our busy schedules,  Mummy and Uncle Wills kept in touch mainly through Facebook, although we'll bump into each other at social gatherings sometimes because we have the same circles of friends.

Mummy and Uncle Wills will always say "let's meet up soon, let's meet up soon" but we never really did. And then time passed by and it's been 5 years since we intentionally met up - at his wedding no less. Felt really happy that despite our distance and lack of communication the past few years, Uncle Wills still remembered me enough to invite me to celebrate his special day with him :)

As you and I sat at the pews waiting for the church ceremony to start, I looked back at the past 5 years and realised that time has really flown past so quickly.

The last time Uncle Wills saw you was when you were still a wee little baby, and now, you've grown into such a sweet young girl. Beautiful, precocious and extremely inquisitive. Sometimes I wonder where you get all her energy from, and when I will run out of energy to keep up with you!

Time waits for no man, no matter how much I lament how fast it goes. I can't stop it, and I can't stop you from growing older, but I can be more mindful about how I spend my time with you. Sometimes I feel really guilty that I can't be there with you throughout the day because of work. And even when I'm physically there with you, I sometimes get so caught up fervently capture your growing up moments in words or film to make up for missing some milestones, that I forget to be there emotionally or mentally. I'm sorry.

You may not remember much from the past 5 years, but I'm sure you can from this age forward. I want to be part of your memories, not just the memory maker. The person in your photos with you, not just the one taking the photos. The one dancing and singing all your crazy songs with you, not just the one filming it. The person reading the books with you, not just the one who bought them.

As you get older, I know that you'll probably not want Mummy in your life as much as you do now. That's ok, as that's what happens when kids grow up and be independent.

But in the future, as you look back in your childhood days, I want you to remember that Mummy was there by your side learning, reading, playing and living life together with you. Just like how your grandma was with me.

Love you always,
Mummy

*****
Lovely, candid shots taken by Alwyn.

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When Life Gives You Lemons

{source}

Helllllooooo! I'm back from my unexpected blog break! And yes, that means that my hand injury is mostly recovered too. It certainly took much longer than I reckoned but really, thanks to all who texted, emailed {I'll reply soon!} and left me messages of encouragement on Facebook and Instagram. You guys are really awesome! Muakz!

2014 really didn't end well for us. I can't remember the last time we had such epic bad luck and with my work comp crashing, hand injury and hubby's car accident all in the span of 2 weeks, it certainly felt that way.

Injury on my left hand & our poor car! Thank goodness hubby was safe!

A few of you already know how my hand injury happened, but basically I cut my hand on glass. It wasn't a very big cut, but kinda deep. I went to A&E to get it stitched but the doctor just decided to use Epiglu to glue the wound together. It did not hold and the wound opened up so a few days after, I went to see another doctor and she used Epiglu again. Just a few days after that, I had to go back again since it got infected {!!} and my hand got all swollen and the wound was filled with pus. They just cleaned up the wound, gave me antibiotics and told me to come back the next few days to change the dressing but I decided to see another doctor and she said A&E should have stitched it right from the beginning!

The third doctor stitched it up for me but since so many days have passed, she said that it probably won't heal as nicely :( My colleagues and even my boss said don't worry, just get another tattoo there! Ha. Ha. Very funny guys. When I was at Dr Kang's for my laser and IPL treatment last week, he also said the same thing :P However, he also told me not to worry too much, as he'll help me with the ugly scar if it gets to that. Phew!

On top of going in and out of the doctors' almost daily for the past 3 weeks to get my wound properly healed, I still haven't gotten my new work computer yet and our car is still in the repair shop. Overall, everything was very draining mentally, emotionally and physically so I felt pretty down last few weeks. And certainly felt like screaming "WHY ME? WHY US? WHY NOOOWWWWW during the holiday period!!??" Very drama mama, but you've to forgive me for that.

A friend told me that there's a Chinese belief that little cases of bad luck actually block a bigger disaster. Maybe these incidents were clearing some bad luck and bringing in a fabulous 2015. That's a positive way to look at it.

It's hard to find any good reason why all these happened but there's certainly much to be thankful for, especially with worst things that were happening around the world. Taking the blog break and taking things slow at work made more time for things that mattered the most to me. Family, friends, health, home. I really shouldn't need injuries and accidents to make me appreciate the things that I have, but they did and maybe that's the reason why the bad incidents happened.

It is with this thankful heart that I'm going into 2015, to be present and more conscientious to focus on the things and people that really matter to me, and to eliminate those that don't.

Here's to a better and brighter 2015 for all of us!! xox

Feeling Grateful on Tues with Essentially Jess and Mum in the Making. 

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Letter to my girl #15: You Are My HAPPY! :)

Dear Lil Pumpkin,

I think there's a lot of sites and articles teaching people how to be happy. Mummy likes to read them to find inspiration on how to make the best out of life, and be happy... especially on days when I feel like well, life sucks.

I've tried stuff like writing down things that I'm thankful for, meditation, living healthy, committing to my goals, smiling more often, being around positive people etc etc. Some work and some didn't work so well.

But, I've found that the one thing that always works for me is... being with you.

My dear, you truly, deeply, completely makes me happy :) No matter how dead tired I am, or how lousy my day was, whenever I see your cute face {and quirky antics!}, I can't help but break into a smile and be happy.

Yup, there are times when you drives me reeeeeaaaaallly crazy {like when you keep repeating the same requests over and over again when we've already replied yes or no} but there's really no stopping my love for you. It's amazing what positive effect you have on me.

Yet, I don't think it's just me, because I can see that you just make everyone around feel happy!! Yes, even that drink stall uncle that sees you once in a while when we go breakfast together at Mummy's workplace. You can see how he lights up when he meets you too. And trust me, he doesn't do that often haha.

That's quite a big achievement for such a little kiddo and really, I want to be like you in this aspect... to bring happiness to everyone I meet. Gotta work on that but really, thank you for being my little 开心果 and cheerful bundle of joy everyday.

Love always,
Mummy

*****

I Blog on Tues with Essentially Jess.

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"Slow Down Mummy" - Inspiration for all Parents

I came across this inspirational poem that spoke so loudly to me. It reminded me to just slow down, and enjoy the time spent with Lil Pumpkin. We live such hectic lives and I find it so sad to say that sometimes, I have to tell Lil Pumpkin "no" or "wait a {long} while" just to finish a certain task. 

There will always be time to wash the dishes, to clean the tables, to write that document. But, Lil Pumpkin will not stay a child forever, and every precious moment growing up with her matters.

What do I want her to remember me by? My back turned towards her and facing the computer.. or by her side playing with her dollhouse? The answer is pretty obvious.

*****

Slow down mummy, there is no need to rush,
Slow down mummy, what is all the fuss?
Slow down mummy, make yourself a cup tea.
Slow down mummy, come and spend some time with me.

Slow down mummy, lets put our boots on and go out for a walk,
Let's kick at piles of leaves, and smile and laugh and talk.
Slow down mummy, you look ever so tired,
Come sit and snuggle under the duvet and rest with me a while.

Slow down mummy, those dirt dishes can wait,
Slow down mummy, lets have some fun, let's bake a cake!
Slow down mummy I know you work a lot,
but sometimes mummy, its nice when you just stop.

Sit with us a minute,
& listen to our day,
Spend a cherished moment,
Because our childhood is not here to stay!

- Rebekah Knight

*****

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When Pizzas Aren't Just Pizzas, & Smiles Are Truly Smiles

Lil Pumpkin and I have a simple Saturday morning routine. After we wake up, she goes for her Speech & Drama class near home, and when she returns, there’s piping hot pizza waiting for her to eat at lunch. I wish I could say it’s homemade pizza but nahh.. it’s just frozen pizza by Dr Oetkers {so so so good though!} warmed up on my oven :P

I thought that she would get bored after eating it two weeks in a role but nope! She actually remembers and ASKS for it! Every. Single. Week. That's dedication for ya.

Then I realized.. the pizza isn’t just pizza. It's that special time where it's just the both of us slowly relishing a whole pizza on a relaxing weekend that makes her happy. The TV is off, my mobile is kept away, and I'm fully present. No distractions, no mummy nagging at her to finish every morsel quickly... just us sitting on our living room floor having a home picnic with warm comfort food.

And you know what's the best part? I didn’t even have to use expensive ingredients or slave hours making the pizzas; all I had to was to spend a minute taking it out of the box and popping it into the oven, then wait for it to get all crispy and cooked. So darn simple and yet, Lil Pumpkin loves it. She'd give me her widest grin and tell me oh how delicious it was and it was the best thing ever! #truestory

Just another way she reminds me that it's the simple things that truly matter in life, and the things that the kids appreciate, and remember the most.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a good enough mother for her. Am I doing the best I can for her? I know she smiles and laughs a lot but is she truly happy? I'm not the most patient, or the most stress-free person around {although I think I seem that way to some people!}, and I know that affects the way I parent her. In a rather negative way :/

And then I see these drawings that Lil Pumpkin does.

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Happy, shiney, smiley people. I'm no child psychologist expert, but isn't it true that a child's drawings reflect their feelings and thoughts about life? It is a snapshot of her point of view of her role in the world, her relationships with others, her confidence level etc. If she's drawing such happy smiley people {and I use the term "people" loosely because even her sun and flowers are smiley!} all the time, doesn't that mean she's very happy too?

I know they aren't very elaborate pieces like what she used to do in her art class, but these are purely from her imagination and not guided by anybody. Which I feel makes them even more special :)

It gives me great joy to see her draw like like this, and I hope they always stay bright and cheerful. I wish our weekends were longer, or I could go travel with her more often as holidays tend to make me less stressed {obviously} but realistically speaking, that probably won't happen too soon. I'm staying on in my job for these reasons which still hold true to me, finding ways to be less stressed and to be little less hard on myself, and a little more satisfied with the fact that what I'm doing is really, good enough.

What do your kids like to draw?
Do you look at your kids' drawings to find hidden meanings into their world too? 

*****

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